The Purpose

In 2004, we conceived our first child.  To say we were excited would be an understatement.  The bliss lasted for a short two and a half weeks, at which time, I found out that I was losing the baby.  The loss sent me to a dark place and I mourned for many months, maybe even years.  In 2005, we again conceived, and although excited, I was also nervous to be overjoyful.  I was afraid that I would once again lose the baby.  It was a difficult pregnancy, but we ended up with a beautiful, healthy baby girl.  In 2008, we again conceived and later that year, I delivered a second, healthy, baby girl.  At the end of 2009, we found out we were expecting again.  After having two healthy babies, I was on top of the world to know that we would once again be expanding our family with a precious baby.  At my eleven week routine prenatal appointment, I learned that the baby had no heartbeat and no movement.  We were again crushed by the news of a second baby lost.  I again mourned, but this time I refused to go to that dark place that I had gone the first time.  Instead, I began counting my blessings.  I am incredibly blessed from the small things to the large things, but it is not always easy to remember that when going through a difficult time in life.  Remembering all of the good things helped me from sinking deep into dispair.  It's been about six months or so that we stopped preventing pregnancy and for the first time, we are not conceiving right away.  I will admit that we have not been diligently trying to get pregnant, meaning that we have not monitored days, etc.  However, this is the first time that we are not pregnant right away.  I do believe that things happen for a reason and that in the right time, this too will take place, but while I am waiting, it is hard to be patient and not anxious.  It is hard not to question why it's not happening and if it will ever happen again for us.  It is for this reason, that I am starting this blog, to sit back, relax and be patient while remembering the many, many blessing in my life.